Object or Subject

"A woman who identifies with being the object of desire is not the source of her own inspiration; she does not feel as though her life belongs to her.   Her vitality and imagination, her efforts and plans, are directed toward the desires of others.   To be the object of desire means to have no core self, no clear autonomy and self-determination that are under your command.  Being the subject of your own desires does not preclude having an attractive appearance, or a pleasant manner.   But appearance, manner, niceness, self-sacrifice are never central motivators for the woman who is the subject.   She speaks confidently and clearly even in the face of challenge, conflict and her own anxiety.   Because she wants to be known for who she is, instead of how she appears, she is straight-forward and direct."   Polly Young-Eisendrath