Transformation and Change

"We create patterns that others depend on, and then the last thing we ever imagined happens; we grow and change, then then to stay vital we must break the patterns we created. There is no blame or fault in this. It is commonplace in nature. Watch the ocean and the shore do their dance of buildup and crumble and you'll see this happens daily.

We know we are close to this threshold when we hear someone say, "You're not yourself," or "That was out of character for you." What is difficult at this juncture is to resist either complying with how others see us or withholding who we really are.

The challenge, which I don't do well but stay committed to, is to say to those we love, "I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let's work our love and know each other more fully." Mark Nepo

Blame

THE SAD GAME

Blame

Keeps the sad game going.

It keeps stealing all your wealth

Giving it to an imbecile with

No financial skills.

Dear one.

Wise

Up.

Hafiz

Blame

"Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them"
— Byron Katie

Projection

"Taking back projections is the act of seeing yourself truthfully in relationship to others.  It involves taking responsibility for your difficulties instead of blaming others.  You no long3er rush to condemn another, nor do you put people on pedestals.  You see yourself and others clearly.  You are more willing to admit your own faults.  You are also better able to take credit for your talents and achievements.  Therefore, you develop an instinct  of when to give ground and when to stand firm."  Elizabeth Lesser

Authenticity

"Take your life in your own hands and what happens.  A terrible thing; no one to blame."  Erica Jong

Projection

"The impurity of my associates is but the manifestation of the hidden wrong within me."  Gandhi

Please Call Me By My True Names

Don't say that I will depart tomorrow --
even today I am still arriving.

Look deeply: every second I am arriving
to be a bud on a Spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with still-fragile wings,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.

I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
to fear and to hope.

The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
of all that is alive.

I am the mayfly metamorphosing
on the surface of the river.
And I am the bird
that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.

I am the frog swimming happily
in the clear water of a pond.
And I am the grass-snake
that silently feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.
And I am the arms merchant,
selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl,
refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean
after being raped by a sea pirate.
And I am the pirate,
my heart not yet capable
of seeing and loving.

I am a member of the politburo,
with plenty of power in my hands.
And I am the man who has to pay
his "debt of blood" to my people
dying slowly in a forced-labor camp.

My joy is like Spring, so warm
it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
My pain is like a river of tears,
so vast it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and my laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart
can be left open,
the door of compassion.

1989

Words Awakening...by "Me"

Sweet, Innocent One
Eyes wide, heart open
Your fragile and growing dream eggs
Gestating
All in one hopeful, well-chosen (or so you thought) basket.

In such a hurry
Born of boredom
And weary of waiting
So much, so long held back
Bursting at the seams of your someday.

What you only see now
Is how many of those dreams
Were lovingly chosen
By well-meaning others.

You filled your plate
Your cup runneth 'ore
You graciously and anxiously accepted
Grateful at last to have found your place.

You busied yourself warming eggs
And unknowingly feeding others hatching baby dreams
Unaware you held inside
Your own embryos of joy
Growing; patiently waiting
Wondering if you'd ever stop long enough to listen.

He was raised as a sheep
At least that is what he was always told
But deep inside the fangs and fur,
Of a wolf were growing
They more suited his spirit and fed the feelings of aliveness he craved.

Told bedtime stories of lives lived happily-ever-after
Grazing on grass
With the guidance and protection of shepherds. 

Sometimes his tongue caught the sharp edge of a canine
Other times he struggled to push down the urge to run free
Way faster than he had been told sheep could run.

It concerned him, but he never quite dare
Untie the string he'd discovered
Holding the cloak of soft, white wool around and over him.


You, were raised as a shepherd girl.
It suited you.
Spending your days tending to others
Occupying your mind with their safety and happiness.
It sort of helped, but inside the little girl longed
To abandon the bonnet
And take off running
Not caring where it took you. 

He picked you as his Shepherd.
Hoping you could make him happy in the rolling hills of green
When wandering and hunting were slowly
Boiling in his blood

Both innocent actors
Playing parts
Wearing costumes
Long ago assigned,
But growing tighter by the day.

Both awaking confused
At yoke-covered whiskers
Your mysteriously closing heart
At the sight of your missing eggs
But afraid to look for explanations
Not wanting....but wanting...the play to end.
After all, sheep don't eat eggs or have whiskers
And Shepherds don't abandon their flock.

Only recently
Through spectacles of hindsight
Have you dared really look back
And stare at the set
That was your life
And compassionately embrace
The broken hearts
The deep, mutual disappointments
The missing eggs
The dissatisfaction of subsiding
On a diet of grass
And living life in one pasture
With only one basket of dreams
Meant to keep it all together

In the end, the curtain descended
The wolf took off the cloak and took the blame
But also deserves the credit.

For in eating your eggs
And life hiding your basket
You were left
Perfectly poised
To take center stage
In the starring role
As yourself. 

Valerie Wilkins Alder 2008

Feeding the Fire

"If you aren't feeding the fire of anger or the fire of craving by talking to yourself, then the fire doesn't have anything to feed on.   It peeks and passes on.   Instead of relating directly with sorrow or loneliness or the anger, we think that the way to end it is to blame it on someone else.   We think, curiously enough, that this will make the pain go away.  Instead, acting out is what makes it last."   Pema Chondron

Gaurding

"Instead of guarding yourself, instead of pushing things away, begin to get in touch with the fact that there's a very soft spot under all that armor, and blame is probably one of the most well-perfected armors that we have." Pema Chondron

Truth and Love

"So much of what we do each day is a diversion from what our lives are really about.  A traumatic event is like a knife slicing through our diversionary tactics and exposing the vein of truth; the truth of what we really want, of how we really feel, of the wrongs we have visited upon each other, of the love we crave from each other.  In our habitual lives, we exercise the foolish luxuries of complaining, avoiding and blaming.   We gossip about the annoying behaviors of friends or colleagues, shutting them out of our hearts, turning our backs on their complicated beauty in favor of their obvious flaws.  It seems easier to do this than to take responsibility when it is ours to take, or to speak directly to others when it is theirs.   All the while, the truth waits patiently."   Elizabeth Lesser

Personal Authority

"As you come to know the difference between your desire to be desirable and your desire to make your own decisions, you will understand more clearly how to cope with the pressures that arise in yourself and others when you begin to take yourself seriously.   You will come to see that making claims for your own authority can sometimes lead to being seen as the hag-bitch, and you will learn how to conserve your authority in the face of challenges, attacks, and negative labels.   Holding on to your authority means breathing deeply and standing firmly behind your decisions without shame or blame."  Polly Young-Eisendrath